I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
