2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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