but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
