we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We left the knife in your bed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
