i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
