And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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