my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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