Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
