There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
