margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This girl is more easily done than said...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ttyl tear gas
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
