Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were trust falling into bushes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
