were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
