My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
