On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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