Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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