I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
