whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
