Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
