He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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