Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we're so committed to being not committed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
