so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the raccoons are back...
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