taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
