I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
