You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
