I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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