R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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