whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
