She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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