i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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