He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How's work?
Spinning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
