I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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