I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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