mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
