Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
