i was born a porn star she said
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
