I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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