You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
