Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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