Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
