you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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