I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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