I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
