Small penises have feelings too.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
