Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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