I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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