This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
