I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
