Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're making bets on your personal life
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
