i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
