Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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